Wobbly Balance

I know it's been five million years since I've written here.

(Okay, so maybe a slight exaggeration.)

But I am trying to get back into the swing of things for a few reasons.

Firstly, M is now two years old and there is SO much to write about. Potty training is around the bend!

Secondly, I am trying to build my career as a writer (yeah, me and the rest of the world...) and what better way to feel like I'm doing that than writing? Okay, so it's for my own blog and I'm not getting paid for it. But still.

Besides, I miss writing.

So here goes.

Parenting a toddler feels like you're standing on one of those wobbly balance boards that OTs and PTs like to use when you have bad handwriting. (Oh, was that just me?) I think it has more to do with core strength than with handwriting, but they tell me everything is connected. It's an apt analogy though because, especially as a first time mom, I feel like I am strengthening my core parent muscles. Before toddlerhood, parenting was pretty much about feeding and changing the baby. She didn't need discipline. The most structure she needed was mealtime and bedtime. Now, I feel like every time my toddler challenges me or pushes me to see what I will allow and what I won't, and how I will react when I don't allow something, I am defining every future head-to-head we will have together (against each other?). I know that sounds dramatic, and it's probably not entirely true. I am sure that at this stage, I can change my mind about how I feel about something and M will adapt easily. But the thing is, when she's checking to see how I will react to things, I'm checking to see how I will react. Because I don't know, either! And sometimes I find that I've hesitated too long trying to figure out the proper way to react when my daughter starts jumping on our big, couch-like ottoman (On the one hand, she shouldn't be jumping on furniture, but on the other, it is big and couch-like, and do I really want to be that parent who is constantly saying no? And it means I can go start dinner...), that the moment has passed and M has moved on to emptying the toy bins.

It's hard to find a good balance between being relaxed yet also firm. We need rules, but we don't have to be that family where the kids aren't allowed in the living room. So how do we find that balance?

...I will let you know once I've figured it out!

Imagining myself on a balance board seems to work. There's room to lean to one side or the other, but you don't want to lean too far from the center or you fall over. (See how deep I can be?)

Speaking of strengthening your core, aside from writing on this blog I am also trying to get back into exercising. When I say get back into, I mean back into starting. Because I never really got farther than about one week into any program I have attempted. I am working through this program called MuTu which stands for Mummy Tummy (it's British). You see, I have a diastasis from my pregnancy with M.

What is a diastasis, you ask?

It's really called diastasis recti and it's when a person's core/stomach muscles (also known as the rectus abdominus, or your six-pack muscles) have separated because of internal pressure (like a baby!). It's common after pregnancy yet many women don't even realize they have this. Men can get it too if they work out a lot and put internal pressure on their core muscles. An obvious sign of a diastasis is when your stomach pouches out but it's not due to weight. It gets worse throughout the day as you eat and is a real bummer.

This exercise program is supposed to help close the gap between the stomach muscles, which I hope will make me look less pregnant! You know it's bad when the cashier at The Limited wishes you congratulations and you're like, wow, they're so festive here, no one's ever wished me congratulations on buying a dress before! And then, after a beat, you realize what she means. And you're like, man, now I don't even want this dress anymore! But you already bought it, so you just mumble thank you (about nothing) and leave and vow to never go back to The Limited again. (That probably won't happen.)

Anyway, today was day 1 of re-starting the MuTu program. I've started and re-started about three times already, but I figure if I write about it, maybe I'm more likely to continue it.

So not only am I wobbly about my parenting limits and how I handle things (right now M is watching the Mother Goose Club on my husband's computer so I can finish writing this), but my legs are all wobbly from exercising.

A great start to the day!

No, but really, thanks to M I actually have to stick with exercising, something I've never really done before in my life. Hopefully I will see the program through! And figure out balance as a parent. :)